welcome back

Dear Anaaya
I want to remember you like this. Full and bright. Loved. I know you feel like the world is dying with you in it, and I know you feel like you will never feel this way again. But what have we learned about you? Ya strong, babe. I know..I know that it feels more like a burden now. I know how much you want to just crash to the ground and stay there until the wind carries you away to your home. Home that you guarded from the war. Home that you waited to love until after you won the war. Home that packed its bag and left before the war ended. You have no home. A wild, wild woman. You have no roots. You have storms raging in your heart and you use everything you have to contain them within.

Home. I want you to go home. It's there. It's there as long as you are here. It's there as long as you breathe. Sometimes, God gets tired of playing it safe. She gets tired of tip toeing around your heart. Sometimes, she breaks it open, because there is so much that needs to go before you make way for love. You needed to be broken down to this mess. But she stays there,Anaaya. She stays there because you are her own. She protects you from things you can't see. She is looking out for you.

But she had to break you apart, because you had no idea how brave you were. You had no idea that your fears held no power over you. You needed to lose everything to fear nothing. Now that you are in pain, I let you be there. I sit with awe at your alter, seeing the light return to your eyes, slow and steady. I sit with God and marvel at the beauty of your destruction. I hold my breath at your arrival. I feel something sweet in the air, love and loss existing together. There isn't one without another.

I hear Gods whisper, they say there's happiness waiting for you. After all of this, you'll will return. Even if now all you feel is hurt and pain and suffering, someday, this will be a story of victory. I know, I know it's been too long now, but look how far you have come?

I sit with God and smile at the beauty of your suffering. How the universe is breaking you down to dust, building you from the scratch. This isn't the end, my love. Welcome back.

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