empathy

Today morning, woke up to a fever. 103° to be exact. I was sulking under 3 blankets, shivering with cold and sweating like a pig. Mamu came in with hot ginger tea and set it on the side table. Then he resumed putting soaked cold-water cloth on my forehead. I barely had any energy. Something was pulling me down, something that had gathered at the bottom of my heart, weighing me down..

"Is it normal to feel so tired all the time?" I asked him without even looking at him. "tired of what?" he asked as he stroked my hair. "Of how much feel. Of how much everything affects me. Of how much grief i hold within my fists and carry in my eyes. I get so tired. I get so overwhelmed by these feelings that never leave me. Is it normal to feel everything so much, and so deeply? Is it normal to feel grief to such an extent that it is physically painful, even when it's not yours?"

 "Some people do that, and those people are special. It is not normal, it is rare. And it is precious."

I just smiled because he thought so. But as I closed my eyes, I knew how exhausting it was. I was tired of feeling so much, for so long. I wanted not feel anything for a while, but that wouldn't be me. That would be normal, but not me. "You feel everything So much because you can. You can feel someone's grief and share it, you lessen the burden they have had to carry alone. And that's beautiful. I know it's tiring sometimes, but what you have is rare, never lose it." he said as he hugged me. Atleast i was home, atleast I had someone who understands me. Atleast I was home. empaths // anaaya..