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 i was four when i thought love was candy skies and god raining from the heaven and flowers kissing the earth and the wind whispering love songs to the trees


i was seven when i saw my uncle carrying a bouquet of pink roses in the backseat of his car but those roses, they never reached home. they never reached my Aunty.


i was nine when i realised those roses were for someone else when all this time, i made myself believe they might have got lost somewhere in the road between uncle's office and his home.


i was twelve when my best friend came up to me and showed me the bruises she had on her arms, her neck, her legs. when i asked her 'who did that to you' she said 'it's okay. he promised me it's a kind of love' and i said 'okay' when it clearly was not.


i was fourteen when i saw people waiting hours to send messages to someone they loved. when people laughed at the idea of making someone wait and the only question i had in mind was 'why. why would you do that to someone'


i was fifteen when i saw my classmates making bets on love 'wanna bet she'll be mine in a week?' 'look how he falls in love with me and how i break his heart. it would be a fun sight'



i was eighteen when i was sitting beside my best friend in a garden full of flowers that i realised love was a cyclone. all it did was shatter people's lives and bring a storm. the aftermath of it all was just silence. My best friend.. she hardly spoke now. she hardly smiled now.


i was 19 when you brought flowers with an 'i love you' note. i almost told you 'i don't believe in love' but before i could do that, you walked away. i never knew what it was like to have someone who wanted nothing from you.


i was twenty one when i realised not all kinds of love wait hours before sending you a text just because they can. not all kinds of love gives you bruises and pain. not all kinds of love leaves you in shambles. not all kinds of love turn into pranks or jokes. and when you do find that kind of love, you name it something else. you name it a four-lettered word. 

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