Barelyhuman

To tell you the truth when first felt you in my hands, I thought in a few days you'll also leave me. Like most of the people who choose to love me do. But you didn't. You stayed and every morning when I woke up, you shook my world into perspective. My mother says, like people illnesses are also always in search of a home. It's been eight months now. guess you found yours in mine. You're there in the clattering of spoons and shattering of my mami's precious china plates. You were there in the ink splatters, covering up all the despair in my poems. You were there when my i love yous shook their way through you to reach my beloved's hand. And now you're here watching three tiny pills make their into my mouth, but i think you're not ready to leave me yet. So you pick a fight with my nerves and say bella ciao to balance. The pills fall. And for one more night, I'm yours again. Say what you may, I know ours is a love story unlike any other, because people ...

Today morning, woke up to a fever. 103° to be exact. I was sulking under 3 blankets, shivering with cold and sweating like a pig. Mamu came in with hot ginger tea and set it on the side table. Then he resumed putting soaked cold-water cloth on my forehead. I barely had any energy. Something was pulling me down, something that had gathered at the bottom of my heart, weighing me down.. "Is it normal to feel so tired all the time?" I asked him without even looking at him. "tired of what?" he asked as he stroked my hair. "Of how much feel. Of how much everything affects me. Of how much grief i hold within my fists and carry in my eyes. I get so tired. I get so overwhelmed by these feelings that never leave me. Is it normal to feel everything so much, and so deeply? Is it normal to feel grief to such an extent that it is physically painful, even when it's not yours?"  "Some people do that, and those people are special. It is not normal, it ...

"Have you ever wondered how would the ocean feel if the sun didn't trust her enough to settle down?" "Awful, I guess." "That's how people feel when you don't trust them. People who love you and care for you. You punish them for what other people did to you. So please try to loosen the grip, try to relax and open up. Let people love you and trust that they will,"  A said at the end of a fight. He doesn't get angry often but when he does, i prefer to stay quiet. After he was done talking to me. After he had finally calmed down and his eyes were soft brown again I wrote him a note that said; Dear A I wouldn't even want to be an ocean who feels awful every time the sun settles down on it's back with hesitation, but always does. But I am also so tired of being the sun, of raging a fight within myself each time I let people a step closer. How do you think I feel? Knowing that all the fears i have are most likely irrational and...