Barelyhuman

It usually doesn't matter when I say it but I say it anyway, 'It will all be fine one day'. I say it because I don't know the extent of my brokenness yet. Or the extent of my resilience, whichever it is that the world is after. I say it because I never admit that my heart was in love with love even when I knew nothing of it. I say it because I want to believe that my life does not amount to this plump darkness I feel all around me. In my little life I have seen many faces and known greater stories of despair and yet my heart bleeds bitterly for my own. Is it selfish or is it just human? I ask myself. Or is it brave that no one else, no one outside of my skin can feel the sadness I feel for me (and still find me fairly standing well on my feet). No one outside my heart can know how much I grieve for myself and for all the faces I see (and still manage to laugh and talk like it's easy). No one but me. Only I hold the keys to this suffering and I think it's brave t...

 I will never regret anything that once made me happy. Not anymore. You know why? Because in this god-forsaken world, little moments of happiness are precious. I remember knowing myself 3-4 years back. I was scared of losing everything, everyone I have lost today. I was scared that it would break me into a terrible person. It did break me, but it made me kinder. It made me softer around the edges. It turned me into a woman not afraid of living in the now. To think of how much I had to go through is a waste of who I am now. I used to look in the mirror and see a timid, scared woman looking at me, afraid of almost everything. Today, I look at her, and it sends chills down my spine. How fucking brave. How is she standing, still? How is she loving, still? How is she so full of hope, still? I would never know. But if you are reading this and you feel like life will never get any better, it won't. Here...I hand you the biggest epiphany I had last night. Things don't get b...