Barelyhuman

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” I have imagined this day atleast a hundred times in my mind. My mind has ricocheted between writing apologies and hurling abuses. Just to find a way to forget the hurt, the embarrassment you gifted me. G tries to be understanding when a mislaid anger shows up in our conversations. It’s been months and I still haven’t found a way to bury it for good. Sometimes it gurgles with the tea at the breakfast and sometimes it falls out like a page in my diary at the dinner table. And it has no name, just a face. Your face. G has his demons, so he understands when mine show up. People think that when you find true love, you forget the part of you that was rejected and broken. But I think it just makes life bearable. It just dresses up the wounds real nice. It adds so much happiness and light to your life that all the past crawls back into the dark embrace of the shadows. It ...

We (yes that's kasol,you remember you said ya toh kasol ab tere sath jaunga ya jaunga hi nahi,well ik you're not good with keeping promises but i went there without you,just to see why you loved that place so much) When I wake up in the middle of the night feeling I'm still where I met you; when I find myself listening to your favourite music, when I can't go through a happy moment without dying to share it with yu, when I keep looking back for no reason, when I think I'd steal all the books from all the libraries in the world and give them to you. when I stare at my favourite picture of yours for three straight fucking hours.when I try to move to a city nearby yours just to reduce the geographical distance between us in my head. when I think of you so tenderly, when I kiss you in my dreams over and over and over again, when I try to forget and let go,when i touch you in another world  when I'm afraid of hurting you more than getting hurt mys...

मैं चाहती हूँ.... कई महीनो बाद, तुम मुझे एक call करो और वो Call, Receive ही न की जाये... फिर तुम एक और कोशिश करो, Call करने की, और फिर Receive न हो... फिर एक अरसे बाद, तुम सोचो मेरे बारे में, मेरी हर बात, तुम एक रोज़ मुझे Call करो, तुम्हे थोड़ी फ़िक्र हो, तुम Message करो मुझे... जिसका कोई भी जवाब अब कभी नहीं आएगा... फिर तुम सच में थोडे और परेशान हो जाओ... मेरी आवाज़, मेरा चेहरा... तुम्हारे लिए मेरी फ़िक्र.. मेरे साथ बिताया हर एक लम्हा.. फिर तुम मुझे एक और Call करो, और फिर कोई Response न मिले, तुम फिर मुझे Message करो, जिसका कोई जवाब न मिले.. तुम अचानक बहुत बेचैन हो जाओ,तुम्हें सब कुछ याद आता रहे, तुम लगातार मेरे बारे में सोचो... तुम्हे सब कुछ याद आये.. सब कुछ... और एक दिन जब तुम्हें नींद न आये.. बस मेरी याद आये... तुम मुझे Social Media पर ढूँढो.. फिर Message करो.. फिर Call करो.. फिर कोई जवाब न मिले.. तब तुम Phone Gallery खोलकर.. मेरी तस्वीरें देखो... तुम्हे गुस्सा आये, चीढ हो, तुम्हे रोना आये.. तुम्हें एहसास हो कि मैं किस हाल में रह रही हूँ..? परेशान होना क्या होता है..? टूट जाना क्या ...

Hello, my dear friend! What a joy it is to be alive, to be your friend, to see you laugh, to share the time of my life with you, and to spend my love on the best thing possible. You, the general instigator of my belief in friendship, there's nothing I want from you except your own wellness. The time with you never feels rehearsed, I do not have to practice anything; I come with oranges and lemons in my hands and then we make something orangey and lemony. Your presence is increasing the number of years I want to live, you're ruining my wish for a tragic life, but it's okay, life will never be as beautiful without you in it. I think Once a year, we should sit in the warm sun, and write about all the childlike moments in our little notebook, it should be a ritual. Whenever good things elude you, remember that goodness always returns to its rightful owners, and it shall return to you, it cannot stay away from you for long. At the end of life, I will ask you the only...

Winter's coming to an end. I can feel the sun tapping gingerly at the window, earlier than usual. I can feel the sweat gathering at the nape of my neck when you wake me up in the morning. It is going to happen and I can't stop it. It is going to happen... you are going to put away the blankets and the snuggles. There will be no more late-night hot chocolate treats in bed. The sun will force its way in and the room will somehow look emptier. Brighter, yes, but empty. The winter is coming to an end, it is going to happen, but I want the time to stop for a while. I want my heart to store this warmth in the coldest place in my heart. I want to sleep in with blanket hiding us from the world. When summer comes, you'll still love me, right? Even when there'd be no need to hold me, you will still want to hold me, right? Summer is unreliable, the opposite of home. It makes you want to leave, it makes you want run on the grass. It is going to happen, you'd want t...

To tell you the truth when first felt you in my hands, I thought in a few days you'll also leave me. Like most of the people who choose to love me do. But you didn't. You stayed and every morning when I woke up, you shook my world into perspective. My mother says, like people illnesses are also always in search of a home. It's been eight months now. guess you found yours in mine. You're there in the clattering of spoons and shattering of my mami's precious china plates. You were there in the ink splatters, covering up all the despair in my poems. You were there when my i love yous shook their way through you to reach my beloved's hand. And now you're here watching three tiny pills make their into my mouth, but i think you're not ready to leave me yet. So you pick a fight with my nerves and say bella ciao to balance. The pills fall. And for one more night, I'm yours again. Say what you may, I know ours is a love story unlike any other, because people ...