Letters I'd never post..

sayad firr iss janam me mulakat ho na ho

 To the people who are drifting away,

Yesterday night was a hard one, mostly because I tried writing down names of people who’d know immediately if I ever decided to go away. And because I am here, alone in my room past midnight writing this letter, you know the list wasn’t what I was hoping for. Do you remember how I was when you first met me? You thought I’d never open up to anyone. You never thought that once you get to know me you’d find it hard to shut me up. You remember how my first impression is a mild one, almost not there. But when days passed and I opened up, you knew I’d always be a home for you. I will always be that someone you can run back to. You knew I will always be there where you left me, smiling, ready to listen. But if you knew me, you’d know I am still the same person who is shy around new people. If you know me you’d know that If I love you, I would still take your name with as much love years after. But yesterday night I realised that being a home can be lonely. You will always have people running back to you. You will always have people runnig away from you. But when all that happens, and when it’s 2 in the morning and no one knocks your door, you feel lonely. You feel lonely not because you didn’t try to meet new people or try new places. You feel lonely because you didn’t think you’d ever need other people. You feel lonely because there are just a few people you have loved so much that no one else ever stood a chance. You feel lonely because you know people will always come back to even if it’s too late. You feel lonely because you hold on too tight, too hard. And yesterday night I felt as empty as a home waiting for you to see me, acknowledge me. But I wouldn’t blame you, so I blame myself for not being you. For not running away and find new places to live. I blame myself a lot to be so mild, so quiet that even if I turn off all the lights and never come back, you’ll realise it too late. I keep thinking where I’d gone wrong?

Last night I made a list of people who need me as much as I need them, I couldn’t write your name in it. Last night, I was drowning but no one was home..